I just let out a huge breath of relief. The fertility clinic just called, I have been anxiously awaiting the results of my third beta for over 24 hours!!! The nurse said that our number looks great and that we can rest a little easier, our third beta results are 1803!!! First was 452, second was 691 (not quite double, making me into a ball of nerves) and third 1803. We will be able to schedule our first ultrasound at 7 weeks gestation, the week of Christmas!
I would like to see one (possibly two) healthy heartbeats for Christmas this year! I’ve been good! And so has Hubby!
In all seriousness, we are overjoyed that we have made it this far and hope and pray that everything continues very smoothly. I know my worrying won’t ever be over, it’s just my nature. But, today after receiving that call, I feel like I can breath easier, my racing heart has slowed, and I can finally say to myself “I’m pregnant!”
I’m still feeling relatively normal, sweets aren’t as appetizing to me as normal (I’m a huge sweet tooth), I get teeny waves of nausea and some very slight cramping, but overall, I feel pretty normal. My brain has been a little off, I literally put my hand on a stranger’s
a$$ thinking he was my husband yestereday. I was mortified, but my staff from my office said I probably made that guy’s day?!!!
Tomorrow will be the Christmas music program at our church, I’m excited to hear all of the Christmas songs and thank God for our many blessings!!!!
I had my second beta test today, it came back at 691. My first beta was 452, so this number isn’t double my first reading and of course, I’m worrying, because that is what I do best. My doctor isn’t concerned about the number (she just wants me to repeat it in 3 days), I had my second blood draw about 46 hours after my first one and I was advised to have it 2 or 3 days later, so I’m hoping that I was just a hair too early to see the number fully doubled. I will go in for another blood draw on Friday but will have to wait until Saturday to get the results since I’m having the draw done in the afternoon. Any insights would be appreciated!
I’m still having moments of absolute disbelief that I am actually pregnant. And still feeling completely normal, no symptoms yet.
One of my dearest friends who has been on long journey of infertility gave birth to her twin girls today. Mom and babies are healthy and doing well, both weighed in at 4 lbs. 11 ounces!
And most of all, thank you for all for your kind comments and outpouring of support. It’s amazing the love I feel at this time and from some of you whom I’ve never met in person. This community is so loving and filled with very incredible people!
I’m going to try to keep calm and carry on……..
Today might be one of the happiest days of my life thus far, at least my happiest day in over three years. I had pretty much given up hope, pretty much decided that we would somehow have to figure out a plan to be able to afford a gestational carrier, that 2013 was in fact NOT my year. In this post , I was determined to make 2013 my year and here on December 1st, maybe it will be after all. Today is the first time I’ve ever had a positive blood pregnancy test. After going through the process four times already, I never even had a beta that registered, my number was 0 or below zero (no embryo implantation at all). Well, today my beta is 452! My RE said it’s a strong number, it could indicate that both of our embryos implanted, but that we’ll have to wait and see what the next beta is and ultimately the first ultrasound. I know this is only the tip of the iceberg, but to know that my body is capable of getting pregnant is a huge milestone in our journey.
Unlike my other four cycles, I decided I was going to test every day at home. I usually live in fear of HPTs and just live in this “ignorance is bliss but really know that I’m not pregnant” bubble and wait for my beta test. Usually I know I’m not pregnant because I feel too normal and/or I start spotting or bleeding before my blood test. The first four days of testing, there was one stark pink line, of course I was nervous but knew that they would be negative in the beginning. Well, on 5dp5dt I saw the faintest second line, my heart started racing and I woke Hubby up at 5 AM to make him look at it. Hubby could barely open his eyes, but agreed that he saw a faint line also. I continued to test each day and felt excited to see that second line each day. But, I really wanted to wait until the blood test to know that I am in fact “pregnant”. And for those of you concerned about symptoms, I still feel normal, no sore boobs, no nausea, no fatigue, little to no cramping, however, I might be taking this “normal” for granted soon.
Hubby and I know that this is only the very beginning, we still need to see a doubling of our beta number later this week, hear a heartbeat at our ultrasound, and pray that we will deliver a healthy baby or babies. But, today we celebrate the miracle that is upon us. God is good!!!! Today I can look back and see that this timing may be just right, that if it had worked any earlier, we might be in a much different situation. This journey has made our relationship so much stronger and we know now more than ever that we can’t wait to be parents.
For those of you still on the infertility journey…..don’t give up!!! I almost did and now I can’t believe that I’m writing this post. When it is meant to be, it will happen. We were literally on our last try, and it finally worked. I guess in our case, fifth times a charm! We will continue to pray for our next beta test and for a smooth uneventful pregnancy.
Today the verse of the day on my phone was extremely fitting. ”I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:5
Yesterday was my second frozen embryo transfer (my fifth embryo transfer overall) and likely my last one. (Praying that this will be the one, I’ll finally conceive and that I’ll do it again in the future.) Breath held……
Since starting my progesterone in oil injections, I haven’t been sleeping very well. Yesterday was no exception, so I didn’t fight my insomnia and got out of bed at 5:30 AM and was surprisingly productive. I made a huge pot of soup (trying to eat lots of warm foods), cut up a pineapple (so I can eat the core for the next 5 days), watered the plants, cleaned up the kitchen and went to a yoga class (so I could get my Zen on).
Before we headed to the clinic for the transfer, one of the pastors from our church (she is a British lady who I absolutely adore and has been with us along this journey) came to our house and prayed with us. It meant a lot to Hubby and I that she drove all the way to our house and took the time to bless this final embryo transfer and to pray that the desires of our hearts might be fulfilled. I felt calm and know that this is beyond my control. Like I said in my last post, I’ve done what I can. I can’t say I haven’t tried.
After arriving at the clinic, the embryologist came in and gave us a picture of our embryo. Only problem was, it was the picture of a single embryo and we had planned on transferring two. He said it was no problem, so he headed back in the lab to thaw a second embryo. It took another forty-five minutes or so, so I continued to fill and empty my bladder as needed (I have the world’s smallest bladder, it can fill in 5 minutes, no joke!). The transfer itself went smoothly, the doctor who performed my transfer had done it for us twice before.
Hubby and I had a very lazy day yesterday, watched TV, watched a movie, ate soup, ate pizza and just relaxed. Today is more of the same. The waiting is always the hardest part, I’m hoping this wait will be a little easier. I’m working a partial week coming up and then heading to my parent’s house for a few days for the Thanksgiving holiday. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, it will be nice to be surrounded by family enjoying comforting and delicious food.
I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I know I have much to be thankful for…..I just hope that being a Mom will be another thing to be thankful for soon.
Don’t worry, things are going quite well over here, the title sounds like doom and gloom. I’m five days away from my last frozen (and fresh for that matter) embryo transfer. Everything has been going well, estrogen levels are rising as they should, my lining is thickening, was 9.36 mm at my last ultrasound this past Friday, and luckily, I’m not having many side effects (if any, thank goodness) with the Dexamethasone. Hubby may disagree, I had a few moments of being bitchy the last couple of days…..oops!
Last night was my last Lupron injection and tonight we’ll start with the progesterone in oil injections. My embryo transfer will be on Friday November 22nd. It is also the birthday of one of my bestest friends, so I’m hoping that she’ll bring me good luck. I won’t be able to celebrate with her on her actual birthday as I’ll be laid up on the couch, but I’ll toast a glass of sparkling cider to her!
We have 9 frozen embryos and are planning on transferring two. I’m still nervous that my uterus is a hostile environment just waiting to kill our beautiful embryos, but really really hoping the Dexamethasone is doing it’s job and suppressing my immune system. These are all just theories, nothing to prove that my body is killing off my embryos.
Back to the title of the post……this is our last attempt at IVF using my body. (That sounds weird, but what I mean, is this is the last time I am planning on going through an IVF cycle-fresh or frozen.) This is the last round for us under the Attain Program and if it doesn’t work, we’ll be entitled to our partial refund. Is it any consolation? Absolutely not. Does it make the blow of moving onto Plan B a little easier? Yes. Hubby and I have decided we will pursue a gestational carrier if this last cycle doesn’t work. Will that be a guarantee to a baby that is biologically ours? No, it doesn’t. But, we will have 7 embryos that are ours, and we can’t see doing anything else but trying to put them into a home that will encourage their growth and eventually birth into this world. I diverge, back to the title, at this point, I don’t feel sad, scared, hopeless, hopeful, excited, nervous (well, maybe a bit), I just feel like I have to sit back and wait. I just have to see what happens, and I’m at a place where I am accepting that this may be my last chance at ever being pregnant. This has been a very long journey so far and it’s far from over. But, I’ve done what I can, my body has given it’s all and we will have to wait and see if it will finally cooperate. Check back with me in a month and I might be singing a different tune. Until then…….I will think as positively as I can.
I’m getting down to my Asian roots with this recipe. Seriously though, I love the flavor of sesame oil and I LOVE Black Cod. Black Cod is so tender, buttery and melt-in-your-mouth yummy. This isn’t a typical fall recipe, but it’s easy and good and if your tired of pumpkin, squash, nutmeg, and cinnamon later this year, you can pull this recipe out. My sister-in-law who is a registered dietician/nutritionist shared the quinoa recipe with me (she had made it for a family birthday and I had to get the recipe from her) and the Black Cod recipe comes from Martha Stewart.
Sesame Quinoa with Edamame (adapted from PCC Natural Market recipe)
Makes 16 side portions
1. Boil 3 cups water; add quinoa. Bring back to a boil, stirring. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer 10 minutes. Remove from heat, allow to sit covered until water is absorbed, stir to fluff. (I will usually cook my quinoa in a rice cooker using a 2:1 ratio, but did use the stove top method for this recipe)
2. Steam edamame for 2 minutes to thaw. Let cool.
3. Soak seaweed for 20 minutes to hydrate. Drain well. (I only had to soak the Wakame seaweed for about 5 minutes.)
4. Toast sesame seeds in 300 degree oven for 3-4 minutes. (Or use a small pan to toast.) When ingredients have cooled, mix together quinoa, seaweed, edamame and sesame seeds.
5. Heat sesame oil in a pan, add garlic, ginger, and red pepper flakes for a few minutes and then pour over quinoa mixture. Add rice vinegar and tamari (or amino acids), mix well and serve.
This recipe makes a LARGE portion. If you are taking it to a party it’s great, if you are cooking for 2 I would recommend halving or even quartering the recipe. I made the full recipe and Hubby and I will be eating this all week!
Citrus-Soy Glazed Black Cod (adapted from Martha Stewart)
Makes 4 servings
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray a baking dish with cooking spray. Season fish with salt and pepper and place in prepared dish.
2. Meanwhile, add brown sugar, lime juice, vinegar, soy sauce, and pinch of salt to a small saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Simmer until thick and syrupy, 4-5 minutes. Spoon about 1 teaspoon of glaze evenly over each cod filet; reserve any remaining glaze.
3. Transfer baking dish to oven and bake until opaque and just cooked through, about 12 minutes. Garnish and serve with reserved glaze.
This two recipes have become two of my favorites, they have amazing flavor and are both easy to make. Black cod is a little pricey so maybe not something to make every week but definitely a good go-to recipe.
I had my suppression check this past Thursday and received the go ahead to start my medications. I cut my Lupron down to 10 units and have added aspirin, dexamethasone and oral estrogen. So far I haven’t had side effects. I’ve actually been sleeping pretty good despite the dexamethasone. I had my yearly physical with my GP and she said that the dexamethasone could make me hyper and irritable on top of acne, weight game and insomnia. Keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t get any of those side effects. Hubby will be just as thankful as me if I don’t. On a brighter note, my endometrioma cysts appear to be smaller than they have been in a long time (hence why I went on birth control for a few months). I’ll have another estrogen check on Friday, hoping and praying that everything will lead to the miracle baby that we have been patiently waiting for.
I love fall, have I told you that yet?! Love the beautiful orange/yellow/red leaves, love the crisp air, love the morning fog and afternoon sun, love pumpkin spice latte’s, love football and love fall desserts. And one fall dessert that I really love, apple crisp. It makes me especially happy to make apple crisp because it’s Hubby’s favorite dessert. Recently my best friend from my home town in Central Washington brought me honeycrisp apples from her family’s farm. Honeycrisp apples are so good to eat on their own, I almost felt bad for baking them in a dessert, but their sweet flavor came through in this crisp and I was glad I chose to use them.
Apple Crisp (a la mode if you desire….)
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Peel and chop apples, mix with sugar, flour cinnamon and lemon. Set aside.
2. In a saucepan over medium heat, melt butter. After completely melted, add sugar and stir until well incorporated, add rolled oats and finally add flour and salt. Take off of heat and continue to mix until completely incorporated.
3. Spoon apples into a large baking dish (9×13) or into individual ramekins. Add topping on top of apples. If baking in ramekins place on a cookie sheet in case of boiling over. Bake for 40-45 minutes, check for a golden brown top. (As you’ll see below, I probably went a little too long).
4. Let cool slightly and serve with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream. Enjoy!
This is an easy dessert and is perfect for apples, stone fruits in the summer, or even tropical fruits. But apple is perfect for fall.
Today I went with my wonderful team to a nearby pumpkin patch, we picked out our pumpkins and hopefully Hubby and I will get a chance to carve them before the 31st.
On the fertility front, I started Lupron this past Tuesday, my Lupron headaches are back (oh joy!), I’ll finish my birth control this weekend and will begin oral estrogen, aspirin and dexamethasone soon. I’m starting to obsess again, this is potentially the last time I’ll undergo an embryo transfer. I don’t know how I feel about that yet……..I’ll keep you posted.
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