hopefulandhungry

Life can shift in an instant.  Yesterday morning I was happily typing away my post about the fabulous places we visited in NYC in search of delectable sweet treats and at the next moment I feel like I’m in a surreal universe.

Yesterday afternoon I went into our fertility clinic for my suppression check.  I had been on birth control for 2 months (in hopes of stabilizing my endometrioma cysts) and had started Lupron the previous week (I had been injecting 10 units subcutaneous since 6/12).  The sonographer shared the good news that my cysts were stable and had not increased in size, but she was searching and searching to find follicles surrounding my cysts.  She finally was able to detect a mere 3 on my left ovary and only a single follicle on my right ovary.  She started talking about how we might not be able to move forward with the IVF and could maybe do an IUI instead.  My mind started racing, but I wasn’t fully comprehending what was going on.  I previously had 12-13 follicles in the past, where did they go?

The nurse on staff at SRM Bellevue said that my ovaries were suppressed and that it was possible that some of the follicles were too small or dormant to visualize, that maybe we could increase my dose of Follistim and all would be alright.  I left feeling a little worried, but figuring that we would move ahead.

About an hour and a half later my phone rings……it’s Dr. Thyer on the line.  ”We don’t have enough follicles, the IVF is cancelled.”  I’m numb, I’m saying “yes”, “okay”, but I’m not fully comprehending what’s happening.  My ovaries have been over-suppressed.  She tells me that we’ll do a “natural cycle start”, discontinue birth control, discontinue Lupron, and wait…..

Dr. Thyer says we are battling between keeping the cysts at bay, but making sure that I’m producing enough follicles to proceed with the stimulation meds and ultimately egg retrieval and embryo transfer.  She says we need at least 8 follicles to move ahead.

I have another ultrasound and blood draw on July 13th (the time I thought I would be having my embryos transferred).  I’m scared I won’t have enough follicles, but I know that I have to stay optimistic and to have faith.

One minute I’m reminiscing about cupcakes and the next I’m waking up realizing that I’m not starting the IVF process like I believed I would be.  Have faith, have hope, and remember that sometimes life happens how it does for a reason.  This is what I’m trying to tell myself.