First of all, I’d like to wish all of you a Happy New Year!!! I can’t believe that 2013 has already come and gone. Around this time last year, I wrote a post saying “2013 will be my year”, I was full of hope that a new year would bring renewed hope and possibly that elusive BFP. I must say 2013 overall was a good year, I finally bought my own dental practice and am loving everyday of having my own office and working with some amazing ladies; as far as our journey to having a baby, the year wasn’t looking as bright. We had another BFN in January after our first FET, another heartbreaking BFN in June (after what we thought was our best fresh IVF (#3) cycle) and finally the miracle BFP on December 1st of 2013 after FET #2. I didn’t think I would make it out of 2013 with a BFP. I guess thinking that we would be moving on to a gestational carrier was that mental shift that I needed and mostly the grace of God.
I am again full of hope for 2014 and am hoping it’ll be our best year yet. But, I must say, getting the BFP and seeing the heartbeat at our first ultrasound still hasn’t eased my worries. For all of you infertiles out there, I’m sure you know what I mean, we are constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop. After so much heartache and disappointment, it’s so hard to not be guarded.
This past Saturday after spending a few days out of town visiting my family, I came home and had a little bit of bleeding. I called the oncall doctor and she said it is very normal and as long as I’m not gushing blood (filling a pad every hour) that everything is probably fine. The bleeding did subside and turned to just very light spotting. I feel better that I’m not seeing anymore blood, but I can’t help but worry. Also, I was feeling pretty nauseated for a couple of weeks and now I’m feeling almost 100% normal with little to no nausea…..again, I worry! I have a love/hate relationship with the internet, I love that I can go online type in a specific concern and bam! I am on a forum reading posts from lots of other women with similar experiences and most of the time it puts my mind at ease. But, on the other hand, I hate the internet because I read something that makes me almost go into panic mode. (i.e.-loss of symptoms can be a sign of miscarriage). Hubby keeps threatening to take the internet away! Some days it would probably be wise.
I’m praying that my mind will be put at ease again this coming Friday, we are having a second ultrasound to verify what the status of the second sac is. Hubby and I think that it’s probably empty and that we are having a singleton (which we are very content with). But, most of all, I just hope we see the embryo continuing to grow and that it has that nice healthy heartbeat still. I know until I’m holding the baby in my arms that the worrying probably won’t subside, and then I’ll have a whole new set of worries! So is life…..
I hope that this post finds all of my friends (in person and through the blog), family and other infertiles happy, healthy, and optimistic about a wonderful new year! I hope that 2014 is a blessed year for all of you.