Finding Answers and Exploring Options

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First off……Happy Fourth of July! Both Hubby and I are off for the rest of the week, today we taking it easy around the house until friends arrive later this afternoon to BBQ and enjoy the sun. We have had nothing but beautiful weather here in the Northwest (not to be confused with North West, Kanye and Kim’s new daughter, ugh!).

As many of you know from my last post our last IVF, IVF #3 was another failure. This time around I was much more angry/frustrated/irritated than sad, it made it a little easier to move forward the following days, but I still woke up and felt like the day we got the results was a dream.

I started my period on Monday and had a baseline ultrasound yesterday morning, everything looked quiet. I started 5 mg of letrozole yesterday and will take the letrozole until July 7th. I will return to my clinic likely on July 12th for a follicular dynamic. We are doing a mock cycle this month in preparation for an endometrial biopsy.

We have one final FET left in our Attain program. We have another week off from our jobs in early September and will aim to do the FET at that time.

Hubby and I feel really defeated and are facing the reality that all of these ART treatments still may not bring us a biological child. We have considered a gestational carrier (if our embryos are genetically normal) and donor eggs (if it is only my eggs that are bad), but now we are seriously considering adoption. We know that we will parents some way, and we know that we will love any child that we bring into our family. We love our 2 cats so so much and they aren’t even humans! We are just now starting to get information from family and friends who have gone through adoption or know of people who have and know that even the adoption process can be a lengthy one. We just need to put our desires to have a child into an active process, we can’t just sit back, throw our hands up and say “it’s just not meant to be”.

It is meant to be, when our family from Hawaii was visiting, their 4 year old daughter just fell in love with Hubby, when I saw him interacting with her and their 7 year old son, I couldn’t help but fall in love with him even more. He is going to make the most amazing father.

Thank you to all of you for your kind words and support. Reading your messages really made those first couple of days bearable. And thank you to those of you who have reached out with information about things we may need to consider and clinics we may want to explore in the future.

Enjoy your 4th of July!
xoxo

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16 thoughts on “Finding Answers and Exploring Options

  1. Hope you are enjoying the 4th. I haven’t been online in a while and I’m so very sorry to read about your IVF struggles. Never giving up hope for you and for the rest of us fertility-challenged bloggers. Excited to hear that you haven’t lost hope either and you WILL be parents one day, I hope soon!

    • Thank you, we had a nice 4th and are just trying to relax for the rest of the weekend. Yes, I feel very hopeless somedays, but then I just know I can’t go there. We all just have to remember that sometimes our families may not happen how we anticipated them to, but that it’ll all work out in the end.

  2. I stumbled upon your story just now, and I wanted to tell you how deeply moved I was by your courage and hope….

    Speaking as someone who has lost a niece in 2004 to the devastation of an adoption for profit, I have been trying to cope and deal the heartbreak minute-by-minute, as the pain of her absence does not ever go away.

    I have been writing and actively speaking out against adoptions that are just “wrong” because I will never find rest until those responsible are held accountable for their actions…. ( You may follow my blog at loveforgrace.org)

    Faith is amazing force, and Love can conquer all… NEVER give up on your dream of your family!

    BUT….. MAKE ABSOLUTE CERTAIN IF YOU DO GO THROUGH THE ADOPTION PROCESS, THAT THE CHILD

    YOU WILL BE ADOPTING IS A “CHILD WITHOUT A HOME, NOT A HOME WITHOUT A CHILD.”

    Be certain that you never take the fruit of a woman’s womb unless there is no other option for that child!

    Adoption is a good thing, for children without homes, not children that have many means of staying with their “natural family.”

    The stress of going through such an emotionally draining loss, such as that of a child, I miscarried ten days after we found out about the secret adoption in 2004 that our neighbor and family friend set up. I had been trying to conceive, and was unaware that I was pregnant until I miscarried.

    Fast forward almost 9 years later, 3 miscarriages later, I just had a son 6 months ago.

    I had gone through fertility analysis, surgery for endometriosis, many medications, and was just “too stressed out.”

    This is something that I deal with day-by-day, and my heart goes out to you and I pray someday soon you will be blessed with a little miracle….

    Adoptions are not a bad thing, when they are done the RIGHT way !!

    Don’t give up, even when you feel you have nothing left!! IT WILL HAPPEN !!

    ~sincerely,
    lisamarie

    • lisamarie-

      Thank you for sharing your story. We are just starting to consider adoption, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. I can’t even imagine losing a child like that. Yes, we are making sure to pursue adoption that is not-for-profit and that the child truly has no other options. We know that we can provide a loving and stable home for a child who has no chance at one. I will be sure to check out your blog. Congratulations on your baby after a long long struggle….miracles do happen. Take care!

  3. I’m still so sorry that the IVF failed! But I am so proud of how you’re handling it and the next steps you’re taking. I hope this mock cycle brings you helpful information as you move on to next steps!

    • Thank you Amanda, I’m so disappointed, but hoping the not too distant future will bring us more answers. Hope you are having a great 4th of July weekend.

      On Jul 4, 2013, at 3:04 PM, hopefulandhungry

  4. Been thinking about you. Disappointed to hear this one didn’t take either, but sooo inspired by your resilience and persistence to move forward. I told you before about a friend that got prego with her twin boys her fourth attempt at IVF. What I didn’t tell you was the day she found out it had worked and was prego for the first time, was the day she found out she and her husband had been selected for adoption by a birthmother. What’s crazier is the day they brought their daughter home from the hospital, was the day they got the confirmation she was having twins. Now she has three little ones 7 months apart. They are doing great. You’re family will surely grow in time. 🙂 I’m sorry it’s taking so long and your path involves such heartache, but we all know in the end it will be worth the wait.

    • Thank you, stories like these give me hope. We will continue to pursue our own attempts at having a child, but adoption has really been in my heart lately. I love that your friend pursued the adoption even after finding out she was pregnant. I’m sure having 3 little ones 7 months apart is a handful, but a true blessing and miracle.

      On Jul 4, 2013, at 4:44 PM, hopefulandhungry

  5. You are a super strong chick and dont ever forget that!!!!!!!!!! You will be parents one way or another!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope they find out why you are having the repeated implantation failures. If you are making “normal” blasts the possibility could be immune related. Good luck with the biopsy!!! Do they think its an endometrial issue? I know with my failure I asked that and they said each cycle.

    • Thank you, I’ve really wanted my doctor to explore more of the immunity stuff, but she hasn’t really delved into it too much. I’m going to push for something more with this last shot under the Attain program. I figure it can’t hurt to rule out the endometrial thing, but my gut feeling is that it’s not the main problem. I think my own body is fighting against the embryos.

      On Jul 5, 2013, at 7:42 AM, hopefulandhungry

      • Immune issues really can cause problems and its sad when drs do not beleive that could be the case. Def push for more testing and see if they can treat the NK cells. Even if they are just slightly elevated you just never know. Wishing you tons of luck!!! A biopsy cant hurt either since they say biopsies can help with implantation

  6. You are right that it IS meant to be – and it will be! I like the plan to do a biopsy first. Hopefully that tells you something.

    I started looking into adoption as we entered the cycle that resulted in Matthew. I had an attorney and an agency lines up and at the ready. Just doing that made me feel like we were taking action. It’s so hard having no control of any of this, and just going along for the ride. Your action plan sounds good, and logical!

    Good luck with the biopsy. And happy 4th to you both!

    • Thank you Courtney, yes, I need to be actively pursuing something. I can’t sit idle, it makes me feel like I have no control.

      Hope you had a wonderful 4th of July!

      On Jul 5, 2013, at 10:01 AM, hopefulandhungry

  7. glad we got to talk a little more about this yesterday. We really can’t know what the future holds, but I see a lot of happiness for you. I’m glad you are considering all options!

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