First OB Appointment
Hope everyone’s new year is off to a good start! Ours is going well so far, we have all of our Christmas decorations down, but they are still piled in our upstairs hallway waiting to make it into the attic. Work has been busy, but not as crazy as it was in December and our home town Seahawks are playing in their first playoff game against the New Orleans Saints today!
This past Thursday, January 9, 2014 was our first OB appointment. I was at the office for 3 hours, but I didn’t mind because I still can’t believe that I was even there. The sweet sweet nurse (who happens to be a friend and co-worker of my girlfriend who just had twins in December) met with me first and went thoroughly through my paperwork, then I met with my new OB (I use to see another Dr. in the group practice, but he has since retired) and again she was very sweet and thorough. My Dr. wanted to do another ultrasound (I had to ask if it was safe since it was my third one in about 2 1/2 weeks) and I got to see the babies again! Unfortunately, Hubby had to work and was unable to make it to this appointment. Baby B was dancing around like crazy, they both have little hands and feet now and I swear that Baby B was fist pumping. Lastly I had my blood drawn, I had to get poked twice, the first phlebotomist couldn’t get my blood flowing and sent me out into the waiting area with a glass of water, second time was a charm. Thank goodness!
Yesterday, I felt like I got a lot accomplished, I made our 12 week ultrasound, it will be done at a separate clinic and will be our first genetic screen. I called the MaterniT21 phone line and we do have coverage for the genetic blood test screen (since I will be advanced maternal age by time of delivery, ugh!), but Hubby and I will probably wait and see how the ultrasound goes before we decide to do the blood test. And finally I signed us up for a multiples class that will be five consecutive Wednesdays starting in mid-March. We’ve got to do all that we can to plan for the whirlwind that will happen when the little ones arrive.
We are heading to Florida in a couple of weeks for Hubby’s best friends wedding, I’m a little nervous to fly (I hate to fly as it is), but the doctor said as long as I get up and walk around every hour that it is fine and to stay well hydrated. We will be through our first trimester by the beginning of February, the worrying won’t be gone, but maybe I can breathe a little sigh of relief.
More pictures of the little ones:
Baby A-Head up
Baby B-Head down
Surprise! Surprise!
And I do mean “surprise” times two! Well, much to Hubby and I’s surprise, we are having twins! We went for another ultrasound today to confirm the status of the second gestational sack that was questionable at our first ultrasound. And, there is no doubt, there are two growing embryos in there.
Hubby and I are of course very happy, but a little shocked. After some wonky beta numbers and what appeared to be an empty sack at the first ultrasound we definitely had our minds set that we would be having a singleton. Of course, a singleton is much easier to manage and a safer pregnancy, but we’ll get through it. We have wonderfully supportive friends and family that I’m sure will be more than happy to lend a helping hand. Our Moms are over the moon and are ready to move in.
Hubby and I both had tears of joy today, this whole process has been so emotional and it’s hard to believe that all of the heartache, tears, and frustration has finally led to these miracles. We are blessed with so many wonderful things in life and this is just the icing on the cake. It really does feel like this is finally happening when it was meant to. We wanted it to happen so badly each time we went through the whole process, but in reality, those times may have not been the best. If it would have happened any sooner, I would still be working at my old job, not as happy as I am now, and things would not be as settled and as ready for a baby (babies!) as it is now. Also, Hubby and I have only grown closer in this whole process and we’ll need that strength in our marriage when we are stressed, sleep-deprived, and cranky as new and learning parents.
Here is a picture of the little ones!
Our due date is August 10, 2014, but I’m sure the little ones will arrive before 40 weeks! I feel good today and just hope I can hold onto this feeling. Keep the worries away.
xoxo
Hello 2014!
First of all, I’d like to wish all of you a Happy New Year!!! I can’t believe that 2013 has already come and gone. Around this time last year, I wrote a post saying “2013 will be my year”, I was full of hope that a new year would bring renewed hope and possibly that elusive BFP. I must say 2013 overall was a good year, I finally bought my own dental practice and am loving everyday of having my own office and working with some amazing ladies; as far as our journey to having a baby, the year wasn’t looking as bright. We had another BFN in January after our first FET, another heartbreaking BFN in June (after what we thought was our best fresh IVF (#3) cycle) and finally the miracle BFP on December 1st of 2013 after FET #2. I didn’t think I would make it out of 2013 with a BFP. I guess thinking that we would be moving on to a gestational carrier was that mental shift that I needed and mostly the grace of God.
I am again full of hope for 2014 and am hoping it’ll be our best year yet. But, I must say, getting the BFP and seeing the heartbeat at our first ultrasound still hasn’t eased my worries. For all of you infertiles out there, I’m sure you know what I mean, we are constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop. After so much heartache and disappointment, it’s so hard to not be guarded.
This past Saturday after spending a few days out of town visiting my family, I came home and had a little bit of bleeding. I called the oncall doctor and she said it is very normal and as long as I’m not gushing blood (filling a pad every hour) that everything is probably fine. The bleeding did subside and turned to just very light spotting. I feel better that I’m not seeing anymore blood, but I can’t help but worry. Also, I was feeling pretty nauseated for a couple of weeks and now I’m feeling almost 100% normal with little to no nausea…..again, I worry! I have a love/hate relationship with the internet, I love that I can go online type in a specific concern and bam! I am on a forum reading posts from lots of other women with similar experiences and most of the time it puts my mind at ease. But, on the other hand, I hate the internet because I read something that makes me almost go into panic mode. (i.e.-loss of symptoms can be a sign of miscarriage). Hubby keeps threatening to take the internet away! Some days it would probably be wise.
I’m praying that my mind will be put at ease again this coming Friday, we are having a second ultrasound to verify what the status of the second sac is. Hubby and I think that it’s probably empty and that we are having a singleton (which we are very content with). But, most of all, I just hope we see the embryo continuing to grow and that it has that nice healthy heartbeat still. I know until I’m holding the baby in my arms that the worrying probably won’t subside, and then I’ll have a whole new set of worries! So is life…..
I hope that this post finds all of my friends (in person and through the blog), family and other infertiles happy, healthy, and optimistic about a wonderful new year! I hope that 2014 is a blessed year for all of you.
xoxo
Happy Holiday Indeed
This has been my most anticipated of Christmas Eves. Today was our 7 week ultrasound to see how the embryo/s are doing. We were able to see two gestational sacs. One had a clear embryo (is that what I still call it?) with a strong heartbeat of 178 beats/minute. However, as much as the doctor moved the ultrasound probe, he was unable to clearly see an embryo in the second sac. So, it is either positioned in a place that could not be seen today or that embryo didn’t continue to grow and it is an empty sac. Of course, I’m still very curious to know if we are having a singleton or twins, but I’m over the moon that we know there is one embryo in there that seems to be doing well and we saw the small flickering of it’s heartbeat.
The doctor suggested we return next week for another ultrasound to gather more information about that second sac and whether or not there is a viable and growing embryo in it. He said we’ll be amazed to see how much will change in just a weeks time.
Hubby and I didn’t think we would ever be in this position and it was beyond amazing to see a baby on that screen today, not just my huge endometriomas.
I also called my OB office today and made my initial appointment with them, I’ll be going to them on January 9th. It will be bittersweet to leave the fertility clinic.
As far as symptoms go-I’m having some nausea, mostly if I haven’t eaten in a while, frequent urination (not too different from my normal life, my nickname is “potty princess”), and definite food cravings/aversions. I think I usually eat pretty healthy-but right now all I want are carbs, salt, cheese, things like pizza, grilled cheese, egg mcmuffins, and bread. I’m liking fruit, but not too keen on veggies like I usually am. Hoping I’ll want to eat more like usual soon.
I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and the Happiest of Holidays. Thank you so much for all of your kind words, support, and love. For those of you still waiting for your BPF, please don’t give up, I’m still continuing to think and pray for all of you! Enjoy the time with your loved ones and families and may 2014 be a wonderful year!!! Safe travels for those who are traveling!
xoxo
Dear Santa, What I want for Christmas…..
I just let out a huge breath of relief. The fertility clinic just called, I have been anxiously awaiting the results of my third beta for over 24 hours!!! The nurse said that our number looks great and that we can rest a little easier, our third beta results are 1803!!! First was 452, second was 691 (not quite double, making me into a ball of nerves) and third 1803. We will be able to schedule our first ultrasound at 7 weeks gestation, the week of Christmas!
Dear Santa-
I would like to see one (possibly two) healthy heartbeats for Christmas this year! I’ve been good! And so has Hubby!
Love,
Nikki
In all seriousness, we are overjoyed that we have made it this far and hope and pray that everything continues very smoothly. I know my worrying won’t ever be over, it’s just my nature. But, today after receiving that call, I feel like I can breath easier, my racing heart has slowed, and I can finally say to myself “I’m pregnant!”
I’m still feeling relatively normal, sweets aren’t as appetizing to me as normal (I’m a huge sweet tooth), I get teeny waves of nausea and some very slight cramping, but overall, I feel pretty normal. My brain has been a little off, I literally put my hand on a stranger’s
a$$ thinking he was my husband yestereday. I was mortified, but my staff from my office said I probably made that guy’s day?!!!
Tomorrow will be the Christmas music program at our church, I’m excited to hear all of the Christmas songs and thank God for our many blessings!!!!
xoxoxox
Second Beta
I had my second beta test today, it came back at 691. My first beta was 452, so this number isn’t double my first reading and of course, I’m worrying, because that is what I do best. My doctor isn’t concerned about the number (she just wants me to repeat it in 3 days), I had my second blood draw about 46 hours after my first one and I was advised to have it 2 or 3 days later, so I’m hoping that I was just a hair too early to see the number fully doubled. I will go in for another blood draw on Friday but will have to wait until Saturday to get the results since I’m having the draw done in the afternoon. Any insights would be appreciated!
I’m still having moments of absolute disbelief that I am actually pregnant. And still feeling completely normal, no symptoms yet.
One of my dearest friends who has been on long journey of infertility gave birth to her twin girls today. Mom and babies are healthy and doing well, both weighed in at 4 lbs. 11 ounces!
And most of all, thank you for all for your kind comments and outpouring of support. It’s amazing the love I feel at this time and from some of you whom I’ve never met in person. This community is so loving and filled with very incredible people!
I’m going to try to keep calm and carry on……..
xoxo
Miracles do happen…..
Today might be one of the happiest days of my life thus far, at least my happiest day in over three years. I had pretty much given up hope, pretty much decided that we would somehow have to figure out a plan to be able to afford a gestational carrier, that 2013 was in fact NOT my year. In this post , I was determined to make 2013 my year and here on December 1st, maybe it will be after all. Today is the first time I’ve ever had a positive blood pregnancy test. After going through the process four times already, I never even had a beta that registered, my number was 0 or below zero (no embryo implantation at all). Well, today my beta is 452! My RE said it’s a strong number, it could indicate that both of our embryos implanted, but that we’ll have to wait and see what the next beta is and ultimately the first ultrasound. I know this is only the tip of the iceberg, but to know that my body is capable of getting pregnant is a huge milestone in our journey.
Unlike my other four cycles, I decided I was going to test every day at home. I usually live in fear of HPTs and just live in this “ignorance is bliss but really know that I’m not pregnant” bubble and wait for my beta test. Usually I know I’m not pregnant because I feel too normal and/or I start spotting or bleeding before my blood test. The first four days of testing, there was one stark pink line, of course I was nervous but knew that they would be negative in the beginning. Well, on 5dp5dt I saw the faintest second line, my heart started racing and I woke Hubby up at 5 AM to make him look at it. Hubby could barely open his eyes, but agreed that he saw a faint line also. I continued to test each day and felt excited to see that second line each day. But, I really wanted to wait until the blood test to know that I am in fact “pregnant”. And for those of you concerned about symptoms, I still feel normal, no sore boobs, no nausea, no fatigue, little to no cramping, however, I might be taking this “normal” for granted soon.
Hubby and I know that this is only the very beginning, we still need to see a doubling of our beta number later this week, hear a heartbeat at our ultrasound, and pray that we will deliver a healthy baby or babies. But, today we celebrate the miracle that is upon us. God is good!!!! Today I can look back and see that this timing may be just right, that if it had worked any earlier, we might be in a much different situation. This journey has made our relationship so much stronger and we know now more than ever that we can’t wait to be parents.
For those of you still on the infertility journey…..don’t give up!!! I almost did and now I can’t believe that I’m writing this post. When it is meant to be, it will happen. We were literally on our last try, and it finally worked. I guess in our case, fifth times a charm! We will continue to pray for our next beta test and for a smooth uneventful pregnancy.
Today the verse of the day on my phone was extremely fitting. “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:5
xoxo
HPTs 3dp5dt through 9dp5dt
My Embryo Transfer Day
Yesterday was my second frozen embryo transfer (my fifth embryo transfer overall) and likely my last one. (Praying that this will be the one, I’ll finally conceive and that I’ll do it again in the future.) Breath held……
Since starting my progesterone in oil injections, I haven’t been sleeping very well. Yesterday was no exception, so I didn’t fight my insomnia and got out of bed at 5:30 AM and was surprisingly productive. I made a huge pot of soup (trying to eat lots of warm foods), cut up a pineapple (so I can eat the core for the next 5 days), watered the plants, cleaned up the kitchen and went to a yoga class (so I could get my Zen on).
Before we headed to the clinic for the transfer, one of the pastors from our church (she is a British lady who I absolutely adore and has been with us along this journey) came to our house and prayed with us. It meant a lot to Hubby and I that she drove all the way to our house and took the time to bless this final embryo transfer and to pray that the desires of our hearts might be fulfilled. I felt calm and know that this is beyond my control. Like I said in my last post, I’ve done what I can. I can’t say I haven’t tried.
After arriving at the clinic, the embryologist came in and gave us a picture of our embryo. Only problem was, it was the picture of a single embryo and we had planned on transferring two. He said it was no problem, so he headed back in the lab to thaw a second embryo. It took another forty-five minutes or so, so I continued to fill and empty my bladder as needed (I have the world’s smallest bladder, it can fill in 5 minutes, no joke!). The transfer itself went smoothly, the doctor who performed my transfer had done it for us twice before.
Hubby and I had a very lazy day yesterday, watched TV, watched a movie, ate soup, ate pizza and just relaxed. Today is more of the same. The waiting is always the hardest part, I’m hoping this wait will be a little easier. I’m working a partial week coming up and then heading to my parent’s house for a few days for the Thanksgiving holiday. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, it will be nice to be surrounded by family enjoying comforting and delicious food.
I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I know I have much to be thankful for…..I just hope that being a Mom will be another thing to be thankful for soon.
xoxox
Acceptance or Denial?
Don’t worry, things are going quite well over here, the title sounds like doom and gloom. I’m five days away from my last frozen (and fresh for that matter) embryo transfer. Everything has been going well, estrogen levels are rising as they should, my lining is thickening, was 9.36 mm at my last ultrasound this past Friday, and luckily, I’m not having many side effects (if any, thank goodness) with the Dexamethasone. Hubby may disagree, I had a few moments of being bitchy the last couple of days…..oops!
Last night was my last Lupron injection and tonight we’ll start with the progesterone in oil injections. My embryo transfer will be on Friday November 22nd. It is also the birthday of one of my bestest friends, so I’m hoping that she’ll bring me good luck. I won’t be able to celebrate with her on her actual birthday as I’ll be laid up on the couch, but I’ll toast a glass of sparkling cider to her!
We have 9 frozen embryos and are planning on transferring two. I’m still nervous that my uterus is a hostile environment just waiting to kill our beautiful embryos, but really really hoping the Dexamethasone is doing it’s job and suppressing my immune system. These are all just theories, nothing to prove that my body is killing off my embryos.
Back to the title of the post……this is our last attempt at IVF using my body. (That sounds weird, but what I mean, is this is the last time I am planning on going through an IVF cycle-fresh or frozen.) This is the last round for us under the Attain Program and if it doesn’t work, we’ll be entitled to our partial refund. Is it any consolation? Absolutely not. Does it make the blow of moving onto Plan B a little easier? Yes. Hubby and I have decided we will pursue a gestational carrier if this last cycle doesn’t work. Will that be a guarantee to a baby that is biologically ours? No, it doesn’t. But, we will have 7 embryos that are ours, and we can’t see doing anything else but trying to put them into a home that will encourage their growth and eventually birth into this world. I diverge, back to the title, at this point, I don’t feel sad, scared, hopeless, hopeful, excited, nervous (well, maybe a bit), I just feel like I have to sit back and wait. I just have to see what happens, and I’m at a place where I am accepting that this may be my last chance at ever being pregnant. This has been a very long journey so far and it’s far from over. But, I’ve done what I can, my body has given it’s all and we will have to wait and see if it will finally cooperate. Check back with me in a month and I might be singing a different tune. Until then…….I will think as positively as I can.
Sesame Quinoa with Edamame and Citrus-Soy Glazed Black Cod
I’m getting down to my Asian roots with this recipe. Seriously though, I love the flavor of sesame oil and I LOVE Black Cod. Black Cod is so tender, buttery and melt-in-your-mouth yummy. This isn’t a typical fall recipe, but it’s easy and good and if your tired of pumpkin, squash, nutmeg, and cinnamon later this year, you can pull this recipe out. My sister-in-law who is a registered dietician/nutritionist shared the quinoa recipe with me (she had made it for a family birthday and I had to get the recipe from her) and the Black Cod recipe comes from Martha Stewart.
Sesame Quinoa with Edamame (adapted from PCC Natural Market recipe)
Makes 16 side portions
Ingredients:
- 2 cups organic quinoa
- 1 pound frozen organic edamame (soybeans)
- 1/2 ounce arame seaweed (I used Wakame dried seaweed)
- 2 tablespoons black sesame seeds
- 1/3 cup sesame oil
- 1/2 teaspoon minced organic ginger
- 1 teaspoon minced organic fresh ginger
- 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
- 1/3 brown rice vinegar
- 1/3 cup tamari (my SIL recommended substituting a little less than 1/3 cup of Braggs Amino Acids)
Directions:
1. Boil 3 cups water; add quinoa. Bring back to a boil, stirring. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer 10 minutes. Remove from heat, allow to sit covered until water is absorbed, stir to fluff. (I will usually cook my quinoa in a rice cooker using a 2:1 ratio, but did use the stove top method for this recipe)
2. Steam edamame for 2 minutes to thaw. Let cool.
3. Soak seaweed for 20 minutes to hydrate. Drain well. (I only had to soak the Wakame seaweed for about 5 minutes.)
4. Toast sesame seeds in 300 degree oven for 3-4 minutes. (Or use a small pan to toast.) When ingredients have cooled, mix together quinoa, seaweed, edamame and sesame seeds.
5. Heat sesame oil in a pan, add garlic, ginger, and red pepper flakes for a few minutes and then pour over quinoa mixture. Add rice vinegar and tamari (or amino acids), mix well and serve.
This recipe makes a LARGE portion. If you are taking it to a party it’s great, if you are cooking for 2 I would recommend halving or even quartering the recipe. I made the full recipe and Hubby and I will be eating this all week!
Citrus-Soy Glazed Black Cod (adapted from Martha Stewart)
Makes 4 servings
Ingredients:
- 4 (6 ounce) center-cut black cod filets
- coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
- 2 tablespoons light-brown sugar
- 3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
- 2 tablespoons rice vinegar
- 1 tablespoon soy sauce (use tamari or Braggs Amino Acids to make this gluten-free)
- Thinly sliced mint and scallions for garnish (I omitted the garnish)
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray a baking dish with cooking spray. Season fish with salt and pepper and place in prepared dish.
2. Meanwhile, add brown sugar, lime juice, vinegar, soy sauce, and pinch of salt to a small saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Simmer until thick and syrupy, 4-5 minutes. Spoon about 1 teaspoon of glaze evenly over each cod filet; reserve any remaining glaze.
3. Transfer baking dish to oven and bake until opaque and just cooked through, about 12 minutes. Garnish and serve with reserved glaze.
This two recipes have become two of my favorites, they have amazing flavor and are both easy to make. Black cod is a little pricey so maybe not something to make every week but definitely a good go-to recipe.
I had my suppression check this past Thursday and received the go ahead to start my medications. I cut my Lupron down to 10 units and have added aspirin, dexamethasone and oral estrogen. So far I haven’t had side effects. I’ve actually been sleeping pretty good despite the dexamethasone. I had my yearly physical with my GP and she said that the dexamethasone could make me hyper and irritable on top of acne, weight game and insomnia. Keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t get any of those side effects. Hubby will be just as thankful as me if I don’t. On a brighter note, my endometrioma cysts appear to be smaller than they have been in a long time (hence why I went on birth control for a few months). I’ll have another estrogen check on Friday, hoping and praying that everything will lead to the miracle baby that we have been patiently waiting for.
xoxo
Blogs I Follow
Liebster Blog
Bakin’ Friends
-
hopefulandhungry 